I am my father’s daughter. I am my mother’s daughter too. An earth and water sign loved each other long enough to make someone so much like the both of them that most times they were equally in awe and frustrated. I strived to be more like my mother and nothing like my father. Our relationships were admiration on one side and a tug of war on the other. It took me years to understand my father because my expectations for him were just as high as his were for me. While he wanted me to be better than him like all parents, I just wanted him to be better. I craved someone who saw the introverted, inquisitive, timid person that I was and understood it like my mother did.
He was unaware of the divide between us, the resentment mixed with love and confusion. I couldn’t make head or tails of him, I couldn’t win and I gave up trying in my teenage years.
“Live long enough.”
It was something my mother would tell me when I thought I had all the answers and actually didn’t have a clue. It comes back to me when I figure something out, it came to me when I started to understand my father. It happened more and more over the years, it made the conversations easier and more frequent.
I stopped looking for a hero and saw the human being in front of me. Someone who is flawed and doing the best he can as a man, as a father. I’ve learned to balance my criticism and my patience. In learning to understand him, I’ve obtained a better understanding of myself. We both love fiercely, both stubborn, and oftentimes unyielding in our beliefs. We want more for the people we love and frustrate them while pushing them to be better.
I get him now, I think he gets me. I am my father’s daughter and I’m finally fine with it.